Bang My Head Upon The Fault Line

Now that’s just fancy.

More later.

It’s been a while since I posted any designs on here (or anything at all.) So, a brief tale of half-assing an advertisement.

I was dreading preparing this ad. My fear: rainbows. I hate rainbows. Hate ‘em. Big bright screaming primary colors, clamoring for your attention. So fuckin’ gaudy. So, of course, the prompt for this ad: make it rainbowy.

Sigh.

For the supposed taste and class and inborn design gay people are supposed to have, the choice of the rainbow as the symbol of the community strikes me as extraordinarily odd. Couldn’t we have gone with, I dunno, a nice λ? Then we could have all sorts of punny jokes related to wavelength. “Hey, I think we’re on the same frequency.”

Anyway.

A friend of my had a good suggestion: “Zwan had a cool rainbow design.” And, by god, they did. So, I did was all great artists do: steal.

The results? Not bad:

I think I managed to make it look decent. Certainly, as far as rainbow-laden designs go, it’s good. Sure, I also ripped off some Apple ads, but hey, who doesn’t nowadays?

I just got back from seeing Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. Yes, I went to the midnight showing. Why? I have no resistance to peer pressure.

The movies was shockingly full. Somebody had to come into our theater before the show began and beg us to leave no empty seats, as they had oversold. There were people decked out in full pirate regalia. Insane. I’ve been to the midnight openings of every X-Men, Spider-Man, and Star Wars prequel, and I’ve never seen that level of cosplaying. Losers.

So, because I just got pinged on IM to do so, a quick review. Now, keep in mind, I haven’t had more than 6 hours of sleep for a week now, so my review of this movie may be tainted by the fact I kept microsleeping through the entire thing. That, and the theater was swampy hot, and there were families present, one of which I’m sure I offended by discussing how Lois Lane would have trouble getting impregnated by Superman because the cum shot would blow the top of her head off. Or at the very least, dislocate her hips and dislodge her uterus.

Anyway, the review.

My rating, out of five stars: *

My main complaint: not enough Captain Jack, too much of that candy-ass character that Orlando Bloom plays. Listen, the first Pirates was cool because it was two hours of Depp playing a gay Keith Richards. And by god, that’s what I wanted this time. But nooooooooooo, we had to focus on Legolas whatever his name is. Lame.

(By the way, I now officially declare Orlando Bloom not hot. Yes, he was a flaxen-haired god in Lord of the Rings. But in roles where he has to, you know, act, and not just stand around and look elfish, he blows. No more Orlando Bloom.)

Besides that, the acting was flat, the special effects were middling, and the plot was rambling and took about an hour too long to finish up.

Any positives? Well, there was a kid in the theater wearing a sweet-ass two-piece suit to the midnight showing.

In summary: I think the first Pirates succeeded because nobody expected a movie based on an amusement park ride to have any redeeming qualities whatsoever. However, they somehow managed to eke out a decent pirate-y good time, so it was a hit. This time, though, they sucked all the fun out of it. Skip this movie. You can probably find a better way to spend 2.5 hours.

Like replaying the Legolas-heavy in LotR over and over again while touching yourself. That’s my suggestion, at least.

I swear, I will post something, you know, meaningful, tomorrow. Maybe I’ll tell the story of the most uncomfortable high school health class ever…

A fresh message in my inbox:

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Comment:
update, bitch!

Yes, fine, I’ve been terribly negligent. It’s just that I’ve been terribly busy with…things. I can’t say really tell you much, but…four words: training for hog wrasslin’. Illinois State Fair, here I comes!

(O.K., fine, I’ve actually just been working like a dog and drinking a lot. Oh, whiskey…)

Anyway, I should be back to full-speed-ahead posting starting tomorrow. But, to appease by 3 remaining loyal readers, I present this link:

The Milk Challenge.

Why, why, why do this? And why post images like:

What a pussy. I could totally drink a gallon of milk in under an hour. Assuming it was skim milk.

Now, whole milk…that’s a different story.

An e-mail I received from my mom last night:

The Tony Awards are on tonight. I heard they are called the “Gay Super Bowl”. That’s just mean.

I think I’m going to arrange for her to go on a standup tour.

Boxers or briefs? The greatest question of our time is pondered on Slate. Their answer: boxer briefs.

My answer to this question: anything but tighty-whities. I think roughly 0.1% of men actually look good in those things. And those 0.1% have already been snatched up by the underwear advertisers.

Sorry for the lack of posts. Work started up again this week, and I’ve had a whole load of other things to take care of. Anyway, two horrible things:

1. The Other Family. Obscene captions for wholesome Family Circus cartoons. Most of pretty obvious sexual jokes, but some are pure genius.

2. I am in love with Sarah Silverman.

Yes, I know, 6/6/06, it’s stupid. Whatever. Everybody knows the world will end in 2012. But it’s still fun to play around with the date.

Anyway, I’ve created a playlist of violent and depressing songs to celebrate the day. Given my music library, wasn’t that difficult. I’ve put it up here as a PDF, because iTunes outputs a nice prettified playlist when you hit print.

If you notice, it starts off with a whole lot of Perfect Circle. That’s because I was inspired by this video:

Well that’s fun.

I mean, not as great disturbing as some of Tool’s videos, but still, nice.