Bang My Head Upon The Fault Line

If you click on the link below, you’ll find a lame gay-related survey I just did.

You almost certainly don’t want to read it. Graphic content.

I’m warning you.

Instead, you should read about the speculation that Windows Vista Ultimate Edition will cost $450.

But if you want to, well, click the link.

Read more…

See, I warned you.

Current Music: Cassandra Geminni: A. Tarantism - “Frances The Mute” - The Mars Volta

I’m going to break a solemn vow of silence.

I’m going to reveal…THE EVIL HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA!

This information is usually only privilege to the highest echelons of the LGBT community, but, in a fit of pique, I will not reveal the awful, awful truth about our plans. Here, then, are the daily, arcane rituals carried out across the country by militant homosexual subversives to destroy The American Way.

6:30 am: Wake. Remove sleep mask. Begin drawing bath. Play Franz Liszt CD
6:45 am: Add scented bath oil and rose petals to the bath. Apply honey and avocado face mask. Place cucumbers and teabags over the eyes to reduce swelling.
7:05 am: Soak in bathtub. Enjoy Franz Liszt.
7:45 am: Relunctantly get out of tub. Decide which outfit looks the best. Choose the armani suit and the hand-painted silk tie. Quickly gel morning hair.
8:26 am: Finish dressing. Look in the mirror to make sure all the creases are in neat lines. Decide to frost hair.
8:35 am: Leave for work.
8:57 am: Stop into coffee shop and order a double Caramel Mocchaccino Valencia, or other pretentious drink. Look at scones, decide not to eat one.
9:07 am: Breeze into work. Compliment receptionist on her stunning fashion statement, try not to laugh.
9:15 am: Call best friend. Pretend it’s important business. Gossip shamelessly about your ex-boyfriend’s current beau and his horrible fashion sense.
10:45 am: Finish phone conversation. Attempt to look busy for fifteen minutes.
11:00 am: Dash out for lunch at trendy new fusion restaurant with sharp-tongued female friend.
11:15 am: Arrive for lunch exactly fifteen minutes late. Kiss friend on cheek. Gossip ruthlessly.
2:05 pm: Finish up bottle of house wine. Kiss friend goodbye.
2:07 pm: Call best friend on cell phone. Tell everything you learned at lunch. Chuckle smugly.
2:22 pm: Arrive back at work. Manage to look busy for forty minutes.
3:02 pm: Dash off for appointment with personal trainer.
4:03 pm: Shower. Call hairstylist and beg to be fit in for a walk-in
4:32 pm: Arrive at hairstylist. Get wash, rinse and color.
5:57 pm: Leave hairstylist. Decide the color is horrible. Call ex and cancel dinner.
6:07 pm: Subjugate the Earth with unholy legions of devoted minions summoned forth from the fiery pits of Hell during depraved orgiastic ceremonies. Destroy the nuclear family. Outlaw religion and sack the Vatican. Create breeding camps to supply us with a constant stream of underage sex slaves. Force ABC to show Brokeback Mountain instead of The 10 Commandments at Easter. Institute the death penalty for wearing a brown belt with black shoes.
6:45 pm: Meet best friend for cafe au lait and a light snack. Discuss vacation plans.
7:45 pm: Briefly attend fete at art gallery. Ask cute sculptor if he’d ever been to a circuit party. Slip him home phone number
8:55 pm: Arrive for enzyme facial and steam bath at trendy spa.
9:22 pm: Go home. Change into adorable Dolce & Gabbana outfit.
9:35 pm: Arrive five minutes late for Foreign Art film. Loudly talk about your four-week affair with the lead. Pretend you understand dream sequence.
11:50 pm: Go clubbing. Flirt with muscular bartender.
2:03 am: Leave club with several phone numbers, but no unemployed skanks.
2:27 am: Set alarm. Get dressed for bed. Put on sleep mask.

Chilling!

Current Music: Brokeback Mountain Theme: The Wings (Manny Lehman, Tony Moran & Warren Rigg Collaboration Remix) - “Brokeback Mountain Theme “The Wings” Remixes (Digital Version)” - Gustavo Santaolalla, Manny Lehman, Tony Moran & Warren Rigg

Last week, PC World ran a story entitled ‘The 25 Worst Tech Products of All Time’.

First off, I think the article title was a lazy choice. The products listed are certainly not the worst of all time. If you were going to truly represent all of history, you’d have to bring up the unshielded x-ray machines they used to have in shoe shops to see your foot inside your shoe. Or Zyklon B. Really, the article title should have been along the lines of ‘The Lamest Tech Products of the Past Fifteen Years’.

Anyway, some comments on the products:

1. America Online

As much as I loathe AOL, especially their amazingly craptastic Mac client, it’s not the worst thing ever. Back in the old days, the 90’s, AOL was often the only choice for dialup, especially out in the sticks. Without AOL, I think quite a few people would have never gotten online during the early days of the ‘net. Sure, it’s overpriced and has no compelling features nowadays, but back then, it was the only game in town.

Now, you wanna talk about teh suck of the ISPs, you gotta talk about Prodigy.

4. Windows ME

Wasn’t it confusing and redundant to release both Windows Millennium Edition and Windows 2000 in the same year?

5. Sony DRM’d CDs

MIT Tech Review has a whole lot to say about these travesties.

15. The Zip Drive

Fuck you, Zip Drive. I had my pirated copy of Photoshop on a Zip disk that was clicked to death. Fuck you.

22. Apple Pippin

Oh, lord, the Pippin. Apple’s attempt at making a gaming machine/living room convergence device. You know how people are complaining the PS3 will cost $600? The Pippin also cost $600. In 1996.

It’s shit like this that explains why they almost went bankrupt back then.

Current Music: Pineapple Heart - “Ten From Little Worlds” - Béla Fleck & The Flecktones

Daily Kos was speculating on Obama’s political future:

Obama will have to give a definitive answer to his plans for 2008. Otherwise, he’s going to get hounded to death. The rumors are really flying fast and furious.

I would guess his smart play would be to stay out, run for Illinois governor in 2010, and then look at the White House in 2012 or 2016.

Um, I really don’t think Obama would want to run for Illinois governor. That office…I dunno, it seems to have lost some of its luster. Probably because the previous tenant is going to jail. I can’t imagine Obama wanting to get involved in such a mess.

Current Music: Viginti Tres - “10,000 Days” - Tool

This just came into my inbox:

nanny goat n-tuple mole drainer new-year Neo-persian
oiticica oil nettle creeper offset staff moko-moko orange vermilion
next best opus araneum pauper-fed open-tank

open-newel stair panic-struck Palm sunday parting bead paddle staff Monmouth cock Pan-slavonism
oxidizing flame O g washer nettle butterfly
Novo-zelanian metric system pale-refined Navaho blanket off-bearer night watcher Non-roman one-ribbed

I have no idea what the hell this is. No attachments, no links, no real message that I can discern. Perhaps the ‘net is gaining sentience, and it is trying to communicate with me.

Current Music: Witchcraft - “Wolfmother [US]” - Wolfmother

Ah, the Ariel Atom. Nothing like a four-wheel motorcycle.

Too bad the U.S. version will be anchored to a GM 4-cylinder.

It’s 90º F at 7pm.

We sorta skipped Spring, didn’t we?

Current Music: The Rain Song - “Houses Of The Holy” - Led Zeppelin

Whenever airport security comes up, somebody always brings up racial profiling. If you ever have the misfortune to read, say, Little Green Footballs, you’ll see plenty of jabbering along the lines of “Well, it’s Muslims who attacked the World Trade Center, so we better gosh darn search all Muslims!”

A thought: if we’re going to profile based on the race/religion/history of past perpetrators of terrorism, shouldn’t we be looking at white, ex-military men?

We seem to forget that all of 11 years ago, we had a pretty nasty event of domestic terrorism. You know, the Oklahoma City bombing? That attack was carried out by a white Gulf War vet. So, following the logic that if a vanishingly small part of a group commits a crime, the whole group is suspect, shouldn’t we start monitoring white guys?

Current Music: Rosetta Stoned - “10,000 Days” - Tool

My mom sent me this article today:

Pranks target Peoria family

The pranks described in the article are insane. Here’s my favorite part:

It all began on a Friday night last fall, when a trio of well-kept teen boys came to the Brocks’ door bearing a Tupperware bowl of fruit. They began a nonsensical “tribal” chant and repeatedly tried to get Angela to take their “offering.”

Confused, she told the group to go somewhere else. “I didn’t take the fruit. I wasn’t mean, I wasn’t rude,” she said.

That night, someone rang the Brocks’ doorbell and ran away five times, then a dishwasher was left on their front step.

I have to say, I wish I had that kind of creativity when I was young.

Current Music: Take Ecstasy With Me - “Take Ecstasy With Me - Single” - !!!

I was not let down by the X-Men movie that premiered today? Perfect? No, not in the least. The problems I predicted, namely the huge amount of new characters with complicated histories, were there.

However, for what it was, it was great. I will write a full review tomorrow.

Current Music: Love is Not Enough - “[with_Teeth]” - Nine Inch Nails