A snap review of Pirates of the Caribbean 2.
I just got back from seeing Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. Yes, I went to the midnight showing. Why? I have no resistance to peer pressure.
The movies was shockingly full. Somebody had to come into our theater before the show began and beg us to leave no empty seats, as they had oversold. There were people decked out in full pirate regalia. Insane. I’ve been to the midnight openings of every X-Men, Spider-Man, and Star Wars prequel, and I’ve never seen that level of cosplaying. Losers.
So, because I just got pinged on IM to do so, a quick review. Now, keep in mind, I haven’t had more than 6 hours of sleep for a week now, so my review of this movie may be tainted by the fact I kept microsleeping through the entire thing. That, and the theater was swampy hot, and there were families present, one of which I’m sure I offended by discussing how Lois Lane would have trouble getting impregnated by Superman because the cum shot would blow the top of her head off. Or at the very least, dislocate her hips and dislodge her uterus.
Anyway, the review.
My rating, out of five stars: *
My main complaint: not enough Captain Jack, too much of that candy-ass character that Orlando Bloom plays. Listen, the first Pirates was cool because it was two hours of Depp playing a gay Keith Richards. And by god, that’s what I wanted this time. But nooooooooooo, we had to focus on Legolas whatever his name is. Lame.
(By the way, I now officially declare Orlando Bloom not hot. Yes, he was a flaxen-haired god in Lord of the Rings. But in roles where he has to, you know, act, and not just stand around and look elfish, he blows. No more Orlando Bloom.)
Besides that, the acting was flat, the special effects were middling, and the plot was rambling and took about an hour too long to finish up.
Any positives? Well, there was a kid in the theater wearing a sweet-ass two-piece suit to the midnight showing.
In summary: I think the first Pirates succeeded because nobody expected a movie based on an amusement park ride to have any redeeming qualities whatsoever. However, they somehow managed to eke out a decent pirate-y good time, so it was a hit. This time, though, they sucked all the fun out of it. Skip this movie. You can probably find a better way to spend 2.5 hours.
Like replaying the Legolas-heavy in LotR over and over again while touching yourself. That’s my suggestion, at least.
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Interesting review. I’ve read much the same sentiments expressed by the professional critics. I think I might stay away from this one until it comes out on rental. And maybe not even then.
I liked the first movie, but didn’t really feel the need to visit these characters again, even Jack Sparrow’s. Apparently, I’m in the minority as it’s looking on track to having the biggest box office opening ever.
La di da.
I didn’t think it was that bad. I think it was pretty much just a setup for the third movie. I agree, though. Not enough Captain Jack Sparrow. Hopefully this series doesn’t go down like The Matrix Trilogy did. The third will atleast have Keith Richards.
i must kindly disagree with you that orlando bloom is hot. and that i loved the money…although i agree that every movie could use a little more captain jack sparrow aka johnny depp
ps i hope all is good with you! i have been lost this summer with work and not getting on the internet as often!
*money means movie, i can’t type and think at the same times sometimes